There's no path forward without forgiveness; I know that. Still, forgiving is one of the hardest things to do in life. And the more you love someone and the more that person hurts you, the harder it is to forgive. I'm not good at it. I won't pretend. Still, I try. I struggle to forgive. It's easy to say the words, but then you have to live them. And some days I feel like I'm making great progress, and then there are days when I'm being tossed about in the tornado of regression. You just feel like you're going backwards. There are times when I am certain that I have forgiven someone. This belief may last for weeks, even months, but then I discover another piece of shrapnel in my heart and I find myself needing to forgive again in new and deeper ways. What I find humbling is that it is my need to forgive, not the other person's need to be forgiven. The person could be long gone, no longer a part of my life. He may have not even thought about me for years. The need is mine, and I find it healthy to remember that.
When I'm struggling to forgive, this is my prayer. This is what I ask God. Spirit of God, at this time, I am unable or unwilling to forgive. I know not which. Fill me with the wisdom of forgiveness. Bring me to the beautiful truth that forgiving others is part of my own healing. Cleanse me of the poison of unforgiveness. Shine light, so I can see how unforgiveness affects my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Today, I am unwilling or unable to forgive. I know not which. Just give me the desire to forgive, just the desire. This is all I ask today. Give me the desire to forgive, for I know, trust, and believe that if you place the desire to forgive firmly in my heart, that desire will grow and the day will come when I am both willing and able to forgive. Who do you need to forgive? It's okay if you're not there, yet. Be patient with yourself. Just don't quit and don't allow your heart to become hardened. I know it's not easy, but there is no path forward. There is no future without forgiveness.