Today's Gospel

What Are You Chasing?

Have you ever chased something blindly in your life? Got so obsessed about chasing something that you blocked everything else out, lost concern, consideration for everything and everyone else because it was so important to you that you chase whatever it is that you were chasing. Have you ever had that experience? You ever look back on your life and see something that you did and think, "Wow, what was I thinking," or, "Who was that person," or, "I don't even recognize that person. I don't even recognize myself in that person." Sunday's reading is about Judas. And of course, of the many, many people in the gospels, he's one of the hardest people for us to see ourselves in.

I had a great line a few years ago about like the lesson of Judas. And it was this. It was, "Be careful who you become in pursuit of what you want." Okay? Be careful of who you become in pursuit of what you're chasing. And sometimes we get so fixated on what we want. Sometimes we get so fixated on what we're chasing that we cross lines. We compromise ourselves. We compromise other people. We hurt ourselves. We hurt other people. We betray ourselves. We betray other people. And we turn our back on God and all that's good, right, noble, just in this world because we get so obsessed about whatever it is we want.

And this line, "Be careful who you become in pursuit of what you want," or "Be careful who you become in pursuit of whatever it is you're chasing."-- because the reality is very often we get whatever it is we're chasing, or we get whatever it is we want, and then we have this moment of horror. It's like that moment in Joseph Conrad's book, The Heart of Darkness. There's this moment where Kurtz realizes, like he has this illumination of conscience, or he has this recognition of who he has become and what he is. And all he says is, "The horror, the horror." And I think many, many people experience that in their lives.

I've spoken to many successful people who say, I didn't realize how I was compromising myself in pursuit of my success, who say things like, "I don't like what becoming successful did to me." And as I hear that, I think, "Okay. Becoming successful didn't do it to you. You did it to yourself by recklessly and carelessly pursuing what it was you're obsessing about or wanting above all else or chasing." And so my question for you today is, what is it for you right now?

It might have been many, many things in the past, and you might be able to look back in the past and see, "Oh, yeah. When I was pursuing that, I didn't like who I became." Be careful who you become in pursuit of what you want. But most important, what is it that you want now? What is it that you're obsessing about now? What is it that you're chasing more than anything else now? What is it that you want more than anything? What is the most important thing in your life? What are you fixated on? And what is that pursuit doing to you? it helping you become a better version of yourself? Is it helping you become all God created you to be? More of who God created you to be? Is it helping make you a better husband, wife, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend, colleague, neighbor, citizen? Or is it doing the complete opposite of that? This Sunday's reading, we experienced Judas. Then one of the 12 who was called Judas Iscariot went to the chief priest and said, "What will you give me if I deliver him to you?" It seems so cold, right? It seems so calculating. And we sit here and we think, "What was Judas thinking?" In reality, he wasn't thinking. He wasn't being careful of who he became in pursuit of what he wanted. What did he want? Who knows what he wanted? What was he thinking? He did have the moment of the horror, the horror. He did look back and say, "What was I thinking?" He did look back and say, "I don't like that person." He did look back and say, "I don't even recognize that person. That wasn't me. I don't recognize." He did try to distance himself from that. He did try to fix it later and said, "Here's your money back." And of course, it was too little, too late. What will you give me if I deliver him to you? And they paid him 30 pieces of silver. And from that moment on, he sought an opportunity to betray him. Do we believe that Judas was a really bad guy? Do we believe that Judas was trying to do something really bad? Or do we believe that Judas had some other goal that he thought was more important? Maybe he wanted Jesus to be a great political leader. Maybe he wanted Jesus' kingdom to be in this world. And maybe Jesus had disappointed him. Maybe Jesus had let him down. Maybe Judas thought someone else could take that place. Maybe Judas thought he could take that place. Who knows?

We don't know what he was thinking. What we do know is that we all make the same mistake in little ways, big ways throughout our lives. We're careless with who we are becoming. We become ambition's prisoner. We're careless with who we're becoming. We're reckless in our pursuit of what we want. And even if we get what we want, who we become then frightens us. Because we did it for the wrong reasons, or we went about it in the wrong way, or we were careless with our soul, or careless with other people's minds, bodies, souls, and spirits, or a combination of all of that. That's the lesson this Sunday. Who are you becoming? What are you pursuing? What are you fixated with? What are you obsessed about? What are you chasing more than anything else at this time in your life? And who are you becoming in pursuit of whatever that is?