Today's Gospel

No Place for Shame

So we hear this reading certainly each year at Christmas and at different other times throughout the year, and in feast days.

When we're familiar with a reading, we have to lock in, as my son Walter would say, we have to lock in, we've got to focus in at a different level. And that's why just allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us to a word or a phrase or an idea can be very, very powerful.

The word that jumped out at me today was" shame." You know, we read that Joseph, after he found out that Mary was with a child, says, "Being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame." Shame is a-- it's a fiercely destructive emotion or feeling, and really a combination of feeling and belief.

We think about it here, what struck me was the word" shame," because there just seems to be an epidemic of shame in our culture and even in our church, where we believe that God has forgiven our sins after the sacrament of confession, but yet there are so many people who hold on to stifling shame, and sometimes for their whole lives.

Here we see that Joseph, it says, "Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame." So there's a connection here between justice and shame. And justice doesn't tolerate shame. Justice avoids putting anybody to shame. And you think about what is shame, and maybe a good way to understand it is, what is the difference between shame and guilt?

Guilt says, "I did a bad thing." That's good. If we did a bad thing, for us to feel guilty, it's like God gives us guardrails, right? It's like you're driving off the highway here, so I've got this guardrail, it's called guilt.

And so it's a spiritual sensitivity that should be encouraged. We feel guilty. We think to ourselves, "Oh, I did a bad thing." And then we can rectify. We can act differently in the future. We can avoid doing that bad thing, and we can realize, "Okay, the last time when I did that bad thing, it caused this to my relationship and made me feel this way," and et cetera.

And so we can, you know, straighten our path, as the Gospel encourages us to do. So guilt says, "I did a bad thing," but shame says something very different. Shame says, "I am bad." And you can see how that is radically different, and you can see why it is so insidious.

The reason it's so insidious is because it's like cement boots. It just stops you from doing anything, stops you from moving, just stops you. You just get stuck. Why? Because, well, if it's true, if I am bad, what do you do about that?

Now, if I do a bad thing, guilt realizes, "Okay, I did a bad thing. I can do something about that. I can not do that bad thing in the future. I can rectify my behavior. I can straighten my path ." But shame has nothing to do with it. It is, of course, a false belief, and because of that, it's a useless emotion. Guilt is a useful emotion.

You think about that. Guilt is a very useful emotion. Why? Because it straightens our path. It gets us to recognize, "That's not good for me, and that's not good for my relationships. That's not good for society, and I'd better not do that anymore." Guilt is a useful emotion. Shame is a useless emotion. There's nothing to do with it other than just admiring it, and it just gets us stuck, just paralyzes us, stops us from doing anything. So there is a great deal of shame in our society.

Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put Mary to shame. Of course, we can be put to shame for lots of reasons. You know, lots of parents put children, shame children, when they're little, and very often they never grow out of that shame. They struggle to grow out of that shame. It takes an awful lot of work to grow out of that shame.

If, as a child, really, your parents put shame on you for different reasons. The other thing is here that there is no reason for Mary to be ashamed. There's no reason. So you can be put to shame for doing something, but you can also be put to shame unjustly.

And so let's be mindful of anything that we do or say that might be shame - inducing in the people around us. And let's be mindful of our inner dialogue. How do we talk to ourselves? Let's be mindful of any experience we have of shame and bring that to God in church on Sunday. Lay it on the altar. Let Him transform it.

Ask Him. Say, "God, give me guilt, but take the shame away from me. Show me what I should feel guilty about so I can rectify my ways. But please, God, I beg You, take the shame away from me." Have a great day, and remember, Be Bold. Be Catholic.