“This is Jesus!”
I’ve never heard anyone say this phrase with as much passion and sincerity as Fr. Juan would say it. Sometimes he would even be moved to tears as he held the Host as high as his arms could muster.
St. Cassian’s in Upper Montclair didn’t have a side chapel or a designated space for daily Mass, so it was held in the main Church. There were about 11 or 12 of us who would go each morning with a few visitors who would join every now and then. It was a large space for such few people, but we didn’t mind it all that much. We weren’t there to be a part of a crowd anyway.
Most days, I was the youngest person at Mass by 60 years. And that’s not an exaggeration. Despite the different, we enjoyed each others company and certainly profited from the many prayers said for one another. But, Daily Mass was the high point of each day, in part, because of Fr. Juan.
Each day, right after The Lamb of God and before he said the words, Behold the Lamb of God. Behold Him who takes away the sins of the world, Fr. Juan would raise the Host as high as his arms could reach and say slowly, loudly, and with every ounce of passion he could muster:
This is Jesus!
And then he would just hold that position for as long as he could stand it. Sometimes this would last several minutes. At first, I thought this was unnecessarily uncomfortable. Perhaps even a cynical part of me even thought he was doing it for show.
But two things happened that changed my mind. The first was when I overheard him one morning after Mass begging the Sacristan to always leave him the large Host and not the tiny one that people consume for Communion. He said:
Please! The people they need Jesus. And how can they know how much they need Jesus without being able to see him! Please, help me bring Jesus to the people!
It was really real and deeply personal for him. That host was no symbol. For Fr. Juan, it was Jesus.
The second thing that changed my mind was how his words impacted the rest of my day. Each day, I would walk out into the world with the words: this is Jesus, ringing in my ears.
I got cut off on my way to work (as it happens often in New Jersey) and heard Fr. Juan in my head: This is Jesus.
On the 11th cold call of the day, after 10 straight brutal rejections, his voice was there: this is Jesus.
It was there when my boss interrupted me during my lunch break, this is Jesus.
And it was there when my roommate, seeing I had a tough day, did his share of the dirty dishes and mine, this is Jesus.
Jesus was everywhere, asking me to love and serve him with as many Holy Moments as I could muster and for the first time in my life the Mass gave me the eyes to see it.
Jesus is super clear on this subject. In fact, the Eucharist may be the thing he is most clear and explicit about in all of the Gospels. It is not bread and wine. It’s Him. It is Jesus. He is the living bread and unless we eat of his flesh and drink of his blood, we will have no life within is.
So, if you will, try something for me. For the next month, every time you go Mass, as you go up to receive Communion, repeat the words of Fr. Juan…this is Jesus. Repeat it again and again as you walk from the pew to the alter. This is Jesus. This is Jesus. This is Jesus.
Amen.
