A tree with strong roots can weather any storm. And the strongest root of every lasting marriage is good communication.

When the storms of life come—and I mean when, not if—communication that can repair conflict will make all the difference. That’s where this last category of the inventory goes.

We’re basically looking at three things when it comes to communication:

Healthy skills of self-expression.

Skills for effective empathy.

And how to resolve conflict.

For example, when we look at effective and empathetic listening, everyone knows that you shouldn’t talk over someone. But some people, even though they have learned not to interrupt or talk over their spouse, end up thinking over their spouse. Instead of listening, they’re just planning their next counterpoint, or thinking, “You’re wrong.”

Healthy and empathetic listening means you are considering the other person while they’re talking: putting on their shoes and thinking about their thoughts and feelings.

These are the kinds of skills that this last category addresses.

The truth is, there will always be conflict. But by looking at these areas, a couple can be better tuned into their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to repairing conflict . . . and that’s much more important than hoping it won’t happen.