Alcoholism . . . drug abuse . . . pornography addictions . . . sexual abuse . . . uncontrollable anger . . . trauma . . .

These are the things we don’t often speak about, but they are a very real part of life and will have a huge impact on your marriage.

In this category of the inventory we look at personal problems and concerns, and this section can really raise some red flags that call for serious discussion, or even the need for professional help.

The inventory will identify existing personal problems like alcohol or drug abuse, other forms of addiction like pornography addiction, or any way someone might feel unsafe in a relationship.

But it will also dig into past history concerns—anything hurtful or traumatic from childhood and growing up, to past relationships.

Lastly, this category looks at emotional regulation, because no matter how many techniques and skills you learn for healthy communication and relationships, an absolute prerequisite is your ability to control your own emotion. Do you feel emotionally out of control sometimes? Ask your spouse what it’s like for them when you lose control of your emotions. Discuss times that you feel like you’re losing control. Have you learned ways to cope with these intense emotions? Are you aware of what stops you from using techniques to control them? It is important to open up an atmosphere of safety here. So this isn’t the kind of conversation that happens during a big fight. Instead, file away the need for this conversation and approach it again when feelings have calmed down.

It’s not easy, but these things need to be addressed, and through this section of the inventory you will go to a deeper level so that you can have the best relationship possible. It’s never too early or too late to seek professional help with anything in your marriage, especially some of these tougher issues.